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How to not kill the person you are self-quarantining with?

Due to the global COVID-19 Pandemic, most of the world has opted to go into self-isolation. As a great idea that this is to slow down the infection rate, not everyone lives alone. You might live with family, a roommate, a lover or your partner. When you remove going to work or school from the equation and are forced to be with this person/s for the whole day for 21 days, it can be seen as a test by Satan.

 

To help you with social distancing even within your own living space, here are some tips for you to not kill the person you are self-quarantining with. Let’s be honest, it may be great for the first 3 days but once the honeymoon phase ends, life may become difficult.

Time out!

If you live in more than a one room, then utilise it. Find your own space within your house/ apartment. Your sanctuary for the next few hours, no one else allowed. You can socially distance from people you live with, there is nothing wrong with it. Put yourself on a time out! It will be a great learning experience to learn boundaries and alone time when in a relationship.

 

If you live with family, this may be hard as they will take it personally but close your room door and do your thing. If you live in a one room then there is little hope for you with this tip. Hang up a curtain or just through a blanket over your head and hope that time goes faster … it won’t. Alternatively, go to the restroom and sit there for 30 minutes. Blame it on diarrhoea and don’t forget your phone.

 

Netflix together and separately!

It’s important to have shows that you watch together and shows you watch separately. The great thing about Netflix is that, believe it or not, you can use it on different devices. Rock paper scissors for the person who gets to use the TV for the day while the other person watches off their phone or laptop. As the tip before this says, you must have your own spaces when watching your own Netflix shows. There is nothing worse than the person next to you laughing at a show you are not watching … actually Corona is much worse.

 

Sing on the balcony!

Become a viral sensation and take your instrument out to the balcony and play a famous song that your neighbours can sing along to. Two catches though, if you live in a suburban area, this won’t work for you and if you don’t own an instrument, you may need to use your pots and pans. Get creative! Make sure your trusted isolation partner films you while you do this and post it on Social Media. You will become the next Kim Kardashian… MARK MY WORDS!

 

Get to know your pets on a deeper level!

When last did you have a serious conversation with your pets? Do you know what life goals your dog has or if your cat was behind the outbreak of COVID-19 as a master plan to kill all humans? Probably not, that’s why you need to sit down and converse with someone else other than the person/s you live with. It’s time to find out what type of animal is your animal really. This might seem like a strange recommendation but by Day 10, this will be the most exciting thing you have ever done in your life!

 

Text your Ex!

The chances that your ex is also partaking in a bit of seclusion are very high, therefore, they are most likely doing nothing else but sitting on their phone! TEXT THAT BITCH! Tell them how they destroyed your life and how you will never forgive them or plea to them to take you back. If those fail then ask for nudes! I’m sure your therapist will approve, after all, you will only see your therapist in a month’s time any way!

 

Online Date and Steal their Toilet Paper!

Time to get out the house! Now this is risky so I do not suggest it or condone it! If you really want to risk your health, contracting COVID-19 and infecting those who live with you then this one is for you. Go on those lovely online dating apps and match with a few people. Once you’ve decided that they are not serial killers go visit them at their house, not for the sex, just to hang out before you get an emergency phone call from your roommate to come back home. NOW this is important, before you send your roommate the SOS, find whatever toilet rolls and hand sanitisers that your Tinder date has and stash it in your bag. When you leave, leave quickly before they realise that their rolls are gone!

Swap rooms!

Take an entire day to pretend to be your roommate/partner. Be them, wear their clothes, sleep in their bed, become your roommate! This will be a fun activity that has the slight chance of forever destroying your relationship but hey, the world is ending anyway so why not! This will help you see why your roommate/partner might be upset with you as you’re putting yourself in their shoes. It would help enable you to come up with a solution a lot quicker and make living together easier.

Pretend like they are dead already!

Pretend like your partner is dead already, doesn’t exist or your living space is haunted with a ghost … the ghost is them. Add in a few tears to make it believable. Start watching YouTube videos on how to get rid of spirits (put the volume on loud). Have a crying session and chant to the sky about how you miss your roommate/partner as they died from corona 3 weeks ago. Have fun and set up traps for the ghost.

 

There you have it, some fun and easy to follow tips to not find yourself killing your self-quarantine partner/s. If you really do want to get rid of them, force them outside the front door and lock the door as you wait for the Rona to do the rest. Don’t let them in or you will also get Aunty Corona! Best of Luck and wash your hands you derty pig! Click here for more content!

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